remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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