I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
