yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
