i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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