I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
