He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
