hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
