And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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