bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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