Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
