Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
