I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
