I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
