I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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