I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
kristin has been a bad kristin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
