I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
