I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
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The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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