he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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