Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
