I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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