take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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