How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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