Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
