And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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