Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
