I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
