Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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