is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
