yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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