Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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