I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
