Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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