I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
