Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
