Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
