So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
