it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
