I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
time to smoke my breakfast
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
