Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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