my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
