he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
