you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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