Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

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  (480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh
  Replies (13) Good night (4618) Bad night (971)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..

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  (902): he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us.. http://tfl.nu/wn2b
  Replies (33) Good night (1557) Bad night (3835)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

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  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5717) Bad night (834)
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  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4158) Bad night (1511)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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  (706): He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout. http://tfl.nu/uk8o
  Replies (4) Good night (3603) Bad night (764)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.

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  (508): I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine. http://tfl.nu/hmlf
  Replies (5) Good night (1367) Bad night (808)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.

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  (604): My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs. http://tfl.nu/5va8
  Replies (15) Good night (2338) Bad night (899)
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  (831): View more from California

  She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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  (831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6
  Replies (13) Good night (1592) Bad night (523)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.

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  (309): I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough. http://tfl.nu/3hvx
  Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (1044)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship

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  (717): Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship http://tfl.nu/uea0
  Replies (1) Good night (418) Bad night (1046)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.

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  (418): You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar. http://tfl.nu/ds06
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (371)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?

  (1-504): View more from Louisiana

  omg mom no

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  It's so blood brotha crip what be good

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  (504): How many stacks you been grindin gangsta? (1-504): omg mom no (504): It's so blood brotha crip what be good http://tfl.nu/20m9
  Replies (17) Good night (2198) Bad night (721)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If I was 5 years younger and single...

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  She STILL wouldn't fuck you.

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  (508): If I was 5 years younger and single... (413): She STILL wouldn't fuck you. http://tfl.nu/p2kv
  Replies (4) Good night (1231) Bad night (718)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.

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  (601): I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome. http://tfl.nu/2jlt
  Replies (2) Good night (400) Bad night (295)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE

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  (713): Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE http://tfl.nu/k4x4
  Replies (9) Good night (1208) Bad night (207)

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