Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.