Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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