And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
