I am spending my child support on dildos
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm gonna fight the coyote
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize