dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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