WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
