I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
