my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
