Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
