I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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