you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
