She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Farmville is her only friend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
as a side note pls kill me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
