i just wanna soil my oats bro
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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