woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
