your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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