i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize