My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.