the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
