grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.