When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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