Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
COCAINE IS GR8
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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