he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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