I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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