JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
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Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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