I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
