yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
